Friday, August 22, 2008

Arrr, Matey!

I went to the eye doctor yesterday -- first time in eight years. Mostly I went because my right eyelid has never fully recovered from last Thanksgiving's disaster. but also because I'm not seeing as well as I think I should. Previous summers I've been able to see the hummingbirds sitting in the trees, but this year I have to hear them flying to spot them in motion. They disappear again once they're sitting still.

The eye doctor said the eyelid looked to him like an allergic reaction. I asked why the right eye and not the left? Neither one of them goes out without the other or does anything alone, after all.

We did the standard question and answer drill: has anything changed, do you do this? do you do that? you have cats - do they sleep on your head? (His name is Dr. Katz, so I guess he has a certain understanding of felines.)

He finally decided it was a mystery and prescribed me some eye cream and, because the eyelid seems to be crustier and oozier in the morning (he didn't seem to think "I'm not a morning person" was a reason for that), he prescribed an eye patch to be worn over the right eye at night.

"An eye patch," I said, "Can I have one with a skull and crossbones?"

He gave me a totally blank look.

"Arrrr, Matey!"

He shook his head like I was some kind of a nut case and said, "Not that kind of an eye patch."

Geeze, has the man no sense of humor?

Anyway, here's my eye patch. He's right, it's not a pirate patch.
It's more of an athletic cup for my eye. I have to stick it on with a piece of tape running from over my eyebrow down to my cheekbone.

I can't help it, whenever the Engineer looks at me when I have it on I say, "I am Borg, you will be assimilated."

Maybe I am a nut case.


Kate said...

Please, please, please come to dinner so I can show you off as my pirate friend!

Iron Needles said...

Nooooo, not a nut case! Think Seven of NINE!!!! So....statuesque!

Of, course, pirates are always good. Really too bad you didn't get the black patch kind.

Anonymous said...

I hope it helps. I thought you were very funny. I have found most Doctors I have visited to be void of emotion. I think it must be part of the oath. KC

Wunx~ said...

Only if I get to scare the kids downstairs. Arrrr!

Sigh, wouldn't I love to be built like Seven of Nine. Of course the Engineer would have chronic bruises on his tongue from stepping on it if I was.

I was lucky growing up, my pediatrician, who was a family friend, had a heck of a sense of humor. Yes indeed, in fact, watch for a blog about one of his jokes...