Saturday, June 27, 2009

Flying On One Wing

and typing with one hand.

Reinjured an old injury, so my left arm is now in a sling and my brain on a painkiller (yay! horray! codeine!) The cats have appointed themselves my nurses. Unfortunately, cat nursing tends to involve climbing all over the afflicted human, shoving cat head into human face and purring loudly. This makes typing just a wee bit challenging. Won't know how long I'll be bound up until the X-rays come back (Monday?), so I shall bid y'all adieu for now.


Saturday, June 20, 2009

My Kingdom For a Pocket

What's the deal with the folks who design women's clothing? What do they have against pockets? You never see a pair of men's pants that lacks pockets. Even the majority of their shirts have pockets.

I want pockets too.

When you can't have what you want, however, you have to make due with what you do have. I tend to make due with my bra. I kinda realized that when I wanted to go downstairs with an apple last night and my hands were already full. Didn't even think about it; just stuffed it into the left side of my bra. (It's not as if there's a whole lot of competition for the space, I've never been what anyone would call voluptuous.)

Made a heck of a lump. Looked like my left breast was undergoing binary fission. Who says asexual reproduction can't be entertaining?

I carry my cell phone there frequently, tucking it right under where the strap and the cup join. Gives me a cheap thrill when my phone rings because I keep it in buzz mode.

Now that it's summer though, I've got to stop doing it -- when I'm out in public anyway. Under a light weight shirt, it makes a noticeable oblong bump on my chest.

It all started back in college, and I wasn't the one who initiated it...

Matilda was the loveliest pet rat ever. We lived in the dorm and she went every where with me. Her favorite place to ride was in that little gap in the front of the bra between the boobs. Did I ever get some weird looks when someone noticed I had an extra boob. And double takes when that extra boob moved. Sat a couple of guys down on their butts when she stuck her head out to see where we were going.

I miss Matilda; she was a good rat. Even though I wish for pockets, I'd never have made her ride in one. She deserved shotgun.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Kid Humor

When I was a kid, gross humor was the absolute funniest. It made us feel b-b-b-baaaad to the bone. We were so sly and tricky, never figured the Parents knew we were singing "Tra la la POOP dee ay!" instead of "Tra la la boop dee ay!" We called each other "1-19-19" and cussed with gusto using "H-E-double hockey sticks!" And the mention of Lake Titicaca could make us laugh until we shot milk out of our noses.

We sang too.

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Percolated birdie feet,
French fried eyeballs swimming in a pool of blood,
And me without my fork.

But I got my spoooon!

Of course we told jokes:

"No matter what I say, you have to say, "Pea Green Soup," okay?
"What did you have for breakfast?"
"Pea Green Soup."
"What did you have for lunch?"
"Pea Green Soup."
"What did you have for dinner?"
"Pea Green Soup."
"What did you do in bed all night?"
"Pea Green Soup."


We loved to play the blanket game on innocents. You'd put the kid under a blanket and tell him to "Give me what you need the least." Very few kids figured out that what they needed the least was the darn blanket before we got them pretty close to nekkid. (We were wicked, not evil, we never made anybody get down past their undies.)

When we did it to Nanny, she must have had about a hundred rubber bands in her pocket. Geeze o' pete! The joke was on us that time.

Now I'm officially a growed up (I could show you my driver's licence) and married to the Engineer. He is, to put it kindly, just a wee bit anal about most everything. Sunday, with much fuss and fanfare, he finally took the winter cover off the swimming pool. You must understand that the Engineer's PhD is in Chemical Engineering. Keeping the swimming pool water at absolute perfection is not optional, it's required. The Twin is a Chem E PhD as well. His pool is also always sparkling. They tease their older brother unmercifully because he has to hire a pool service to balance his pool every spring.

This year the Engineer's pool was unveiled very late and, under the cover, the pool water was green.

Opaque green!

If I still drank milk, I would surely shoot it out my nose!

Pea Green Pool!

I called OlderBrother and told him right away.

(Yes, I think my sense of humor is still mired in the second grade.)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Rain, Rain Has Come to Stay

This is Utah. And it's June. And it's raining. Every day. How bizarre.The cats are disgruntled. Kate at High Altitude Gardening is grooched. Even I, rain lover that I am, am starting to weary of it. But sing out the mantra, sing it loud, sing it joyously:
"It's good for the flowers!"If ever I can find a dry day to get them into the sodden ground...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

WithoutDoubt, the Worst Human Ever

Every once in a while, it does rain in Utah. Three years ago, when we were replacing the roof and all we had up top was studs and plastic, there was a three hour frog strangler. The whole house flooded, the living room ceiling collapsed onto the living room floor. That was one of the biggest "WHA-BOOM!!!" noises I've ever heard in my life. We ended up having to tear out most of the walls and ceilings in the house.

When it started pouring last night as I was out working in the garden, I grabbed up my stuff, tossed it into the shed and shut the shed door on my way into the house. It rained about an inch in half an hour.
This morning I got up and fixed kitty breakfast. No Kitsu. I opened the back door and called. A faint and pitiful meow came to my ears and I realized what I'd done.

Poor cat spent 14 hours locked in the tool shed. She's been Velcro kitty ever since. Velcro kitty with the smell of gasoline from the power tools wafting from her fur.

The Engineer called from London as she snuggled to my breast. She heard his voice on the phone and started telling him all about it, "Meow, wow, yow!" Which I took to mean, "Cruel female humie locked me in the shed! You would never do that."


Let's assuage my guilt with a picture of my yellow rose bush.
Much better.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Pretty Kitties

Messin' with the Photoshop filters. I think Sachi came out much better than Kitsu. (The blue eyes and silky fur make her shine.)

Good Thing I Like Spiders

Walked out of my back door Saturday and found a huge hatch of spiders on the wall. Don't know how many hundreds of spiderlings there were, but it was multiple.
No, I did not mash them, I like spiders.
I think they're kinda cute.