Thursday, March 29, 2007

The "Well, duh!" Epiphany

They say Archimedes was the father of "Eureka!"

What could be more wonderful than a Eureka moment? After struggling with a problem, beating your head against that proverbial wall, suddenly a pellucid light shines upon you, choirs of angels sing hallelujah and the solution is there, full blown and complete.

And you feel brilliant.

Unfortunately, my epiphanies are more often of the "Well, duh!" type. The kind of realization that would make my mother say to me, "If it was a snake it would have bitten you." Or, to use another old saw, "As plain as the nose on your face." When the solution to your problem finally clubs you over the head and you realize you should have seen it all along.

"Well, duh!"

I've had a few too many of those moments lately.

My computer monitor has been getting weird, transient color shifts up at the top of the monitor. Couldn't figure out what the heck was causing them. Until just now when Kitsu was standing by my keyboard and leaned against the monitor. The magnetic cat door key on her collar clonked against the monitor screen and that area of the screen turned green.

Well, duh! Kitsu loves to sleep on top of the monitor. When she hangs her head over the edge to see what I'm doing... color shift.

I got a really comfy new bra, nice cotton knit instead of slickery nylon. Wore it for quite a while before I noticed that my tops were fitting funny, tending to climb up and make a roll over my boobs. It didn't do it when I wore a shiny silk top, though.

Well, duh! Nice comfy cotton knit bra and nice comfy cotton knit turtleneck top cling together, they don't slide over each other.

I was laid up for most of last week with a strained neck. The pain was incredible, I could hardly move. I couldn't lay down because the weight of my head was to much for my neck unless the head was carefully balance directly on top. I couldn't eat because if I tried to chew my jaw muscles went into spasms. The right side of my face was so swollen I looked like a greedy chipmunk. I had to drop the cat food onto the floor because I couldn't bend over. I sure as heck couldn't drive because I couldn't turn my head at all.

This wasn't the first time lately that my neck had given me fits. The day before the skiers arrived I'd had a sore neck too, though nowhere near as bad. It lasted for about three days before departing and was just a pain in the neck, not crippling. This kind of thing had never happened to me before.

I had no idea what was going on. Yes, my posture at my jerry-rigged computer desk is abysmal. Yes, I cling to the edge of the bed and jam my head against the headboard when I sleep (the Engineer's a bed hog.) Neither was anything new. True, I'd slipped on a flight of stairs and caught myself with a sharp jerk on the hand rail, But still, this horrendous pain was all out of proportion.

What was different?

Of course my Engineer was out of town. I finally called a cab and went to a clinic and begged for drugs. Got codeine and a muscle relaxant. After not having eaten for a couple of days, to say that taking them made me a little goofy would be a major understatement. But the drugs got me over the hump, in a few days I could lie down again instead of sleeping sitting up in my recliner. (Talk about a relief!)

Monday I had a follow up appointment with my regular doctor. He had put me on a hypertensive/diuretic combination because he felt my blood pressure was a bit too high (well, duh, like the past eight months of house disasters wouldn't drive anyone's blood pressure up, at least I wasn't beating on people or inanimate objects with my baseball bat.)

So my doctor asked, "Have you experienced any side effect?"

Me, "I don't think so. What kind of side effects might the drug produce?"

Dr. B., "Dizziness, muscle cramps..."

Well, duh! Or as Dr. B. said, "Don't take that drug any more."

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