Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Neon Zit Syndrome

Ever had a zit on your nose that you knew lit up the night like a flashing red neon light? When you went out in public, when you talked to anyone, you knew it was getting stared at with horrified awe. How could it not, damn thing was bigger than your whole head.

And wrinkles. I don't have wrinkles, I have crevasses deeper than the Grand Canyon. Worse, I have Old Lady Lip Wrinkles. (In case you can't tell, the sound effects here are piteous whimpering and moaning.)

Then there are clothing imperfections. The shirt that looked fine when you put it on in the morning suddenly develops a big spot right in the middle of the chest when you're about to meet someone you want to impress. (Aw geeze, they'll think I'm a total slob!)

I'm not even going to mention blubber-butt and thunder-thighs.

Sometimes it seems the only possible solution is to go out covered in a full-body burlap sack.

Now wouldn't that be subtle?

Chances are nobody ever notices such glaring imperfections. You went through all that grief and self denigration for nothing. Even if someone notices the zit on your nose that looks, to you, like the taillight on a '59 Cadillac, they probably don't give a rip.

Someday, you know what, I'm going to have enough self confidence that I won't give a rip either...


I hope.


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