Erin Go Braughless - or - An Underwear Disaster

Yesterday I was rushing around cleaning and cooking because the Engineer's company's Spouses Association (our little chapter in a world wide organization) was having the monthly meeting at my house. As I rushed to the recycle bin, my arms clutched full of newspapers, cardboard and bottles, something wet went down my chest. My language went down the toilet.

I didn't have time at that point to stop and change my clothes because folks were about to start arriving.

This morning, in a rush to get out of the house, I wasn't thinking and snatched on the bra I'd worn yesterday.

On my way to the car, I thumped the old bird seed out of the flat feeder and refilled it, then took off on a long drive around the beltway. As I was merging into traffic, I realized that my nose was being horribly offended. Despite the snow, I cracked both windows on my side so that the stink that had blown in could blow back out. The stench grew worse. After driving a couple of more miles, I realized it wasn't coming from outside, it had to be me.

I sniffed at the shoulders of the jacket I was wearing. It seemed okay. I bent my head and took a whiff of the middle of my chest.

I thought I was gunna gag!

I was too far to turn around, and it was just one quick errand that needed doing, so I went ahead and did it.

Of course the line for the cashier was long and slow. I tried to stand back from the person in front of me. The person who came up behind me quickly backed away. I almost died of embarrassment as the cashier waited on me and tried not to breathe and not to give me a "look" at the same time. I wanted to say, "I don't normally smell like this. It's not my hygiene, I spilled garbage water on myself," but I was too embarrassed.

I drove home at highway speed with all windows open. At least it had stopped snowing. I rushed into the house and tore off my clothing, gasping for clean air. I threw the offending bra across the bathroom...And realized it wasn't the bra, it was the sweater I was wearing. That was fresh from the laundry.

Only thing I can figure is that some of the icky old bird seed (or maybe some bird or squirrel poo) I'd knocked out of the feeder had splattered on the sweater. Sure was gross.