Sunday, July 15, 2007

Random (and Probably Odd) Thoughts

We were invited to a house warming yesterday. The weather must have been invited too. It was 104 (40 Celsius.) Of course we took a small gift, a nice glass pitcher. I decided to wrap it from the inside instead of the outside as is traditional, so I filled it with bright flowers, making an ephemeral gift and a lasting one (providing, of course, that no one drops it on the floor.)

I drove through Wendy's the other day to get a soft drink because it was so dang hot. They had a big sign up that said: "Natural Onion Rings!" Okay, I'll bite, what are unnatural onions? Do they have a perverse passion for carrots? Do they turn into garlic when the moon is full? Are they made of antimatter?

That last one is from the Engineer. When he was in grad school, whenever he heard something claim to be all natural he would say, "All natural as opposed to what? Antimatter?" I suspect it's a good thing I do the food buying for this household.

When he was in grad school, I went grocery shopping with the Engineer and his twin a couple of times. Methodology:
  1. Get shopping cart.
  2. Go to beer aisle, fill bottom of cart.
  3. Run at top speed down the rest of the aisles, knocking items from shelf into cart.
    3b. If an extra falls in, toss it from the cart while maintaining speed.
  4. Screech to a halt at cash register.
    4b. If not first in line, bounce around making loud comments about people who use coupons.
  5. Throw groceries and beer into car trunk and drive home like a bat out of Hades.
  6. Unload car while applying beer internally.

The reason I went to the grocery store with them more than once was that they would descend upon my apartment every few weekends and eat everything in the kitchen. We would then have to go to the store to restock.

They also required mass quantities of chocolate chip cookies and many pies (but not too sweet.) Eventually I made them buy the ingredients because I was going broke. When they complained that my pies were too little, I told them the simple remedy for that was to buy me a bigger pie pan. They got me two that could have worked as bird baths.

Who ever would have thought I'd end up married to one of those maniacs.

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