Thursday, January 24, 2008

Eating Like a Kid

Ever noticed how food tastes more fun if you play with it?

As a child, I decided this must be true because my Mother was so adamant about eating like a lady.

As a Proper Southern Lady, it seemed to be her job to take the fun out of as many things as possible. If my back ever assumed a less than rigidly strait line, I would get a sharp poke between my shoulder blades. My bed had to be made with perfect hospital corners to an Army coin bouncing specification. Heaven forfend if I ever sat in any position that didn't cement my knees and ankles together; I would be asked in acid tones if I wanted my picture taken.

That one still baffles me. My more proper than Queen Victoria Mother could not possible have been referring the kind of photos the paparazzi take of Britney Spears, so what was going through her mind?

Hmm... I've wandered off topic again, haven't I.

Yesterday I decided to have the single remaining egg for breakfast. Since there was only one, I, of course, dropped it. After beating off Sachi and cleaning the slimy mess from the floor, I examined the fridge and decided to have the classic college student breakfast: cold pizza and flat beer.

Not really. I only thought about it. I totally wimped out on reliving the decadent Saturday mornings of dorm life. I nuked the leftover piece of pizza before I ate it and had orange juice instead of flat beer, then felt guilty for eating such an unhealthy breakfast. I decided to put a patch on my sins by eating something healthy, so I ate a grapefruit.

It was the best grapefruit I've had in ages. It was a Texas Ruby Red. Since no one was around, I ate it just like I wanted to. I made a lovely big mess.

Instructions for delicious grapefruit:
1. Using a sharp paring knife, but a circle in the skin around the place where the stem used to be.
2. Pop that off, then cut the skin in a longitudinal circle around the fruit from one side of the stem hole to the other. Make a second cut so the skin is divided into quarters. Be careful not to cut too deeply.
3. Peel the skin off in quarters, then spend a whole lot of time peeling that nasty bitter white layer off.
4. Pull the peeled grapefruit in half and take out the icky white stuff in the middle.
5. Peel the membrane off of each individual segment, eating the naked, juice-filled globs of fruit flesh as you expose them.
6. Show segments of fruit to curious cats to watch them make faces.
7. Lick fingers and sigh.
8. Wash area where grapefruit was dismembered so that no evidence remains for husband to question. (Either that or put down a disposable plastic drop cloth beforehand.)


nameless to protect the innocent said...

grapefruit is one of the few foods I dislike.

(I have the same paring knife)

Wunx~ said...

But you can make such a lovely mess with it, how could you possibly dislike it?