This Is the Part I Hate the Worst

I have a cold. I'm in the coughing stage. When I woke up this morning, trying to eject a lung, I said to myself, "This is the part I hate the worst."

Then I thought about it.

The coughing stage is pretty close to the end of the cold. You can see that little light, sometimes oh so far away, but you can see it.

Maybe it's the worst before you really get it. When you first feel that nasty little itch and burn up at the back of the soft palate and in the sinuses, because you know then that it's coming. Anticipation is not always a good thing.

Not that you actually feel bad.

No, that waits for the next day when you wake up with every joint aching and your head feeling like it's been stuffed with hot, wet sand. Maybe that's the worst part. It is when you're in it.

Next comes the snot factory. Geeze, I hate that part the most. Some higher power has turned on the faucet in your nose and there's no easy way to shut it off. You sneeze and you blow and your nose turns bright red and hurts like the dickens when you touch it. Nobody wants to come anywhere near you because they know you're spraying germs more effectively than any crop duster.

Nor do I want to be around anyone. I know how disgusting I am.

If it's going to be a bad cold, I find out during the snot phase, that's when it moves down into my lungs if it's going to.

Okay, new winner for the worst part. There can be no argument to this being the worst. When it hits the lungs and I start coughing up stuff we cannot even mention in polite company. I've had pneumonia half a dozen times and have asthmatic allergies, so when it hits my lungs, I'm toast. If they made a horror movie out of what I cough up, it wouldn't make any money because it would be so gross the audience would flee screaming from the theatre.

Hands down, that's the worst.

This time it looks like it's not going to go into my lungs. If I was a religious person, I'd be down on my knees shouting, "Hallelujah, praise the Lord!"

Final count on the worst part: intellectually, when it hits the lungs; really, whatever stage I'm in at the moment.