Saturday, January 20, 2007

Why I don't share a bathroom with my husband

The scum dragon is dead. Tonight I girded my loins and cleaned my husband's stall shower.

Actually, if I want to be completely accurate, I ungirded my everything and cleaned his shower. Only way I know to scrub a shower is to get nekkid and climb on in. I sprayed the whole shower with foaming cleanser and went at it with a sponge.

I was sad to see the scum dragon go. He had been born on a previous assault on the shower when the hot water ran out before I finished the door. I saw him next time I went in there, liked him, and washed around him. There's only so many times you can do something like that, though, before the spouse gets genuinely ticked off. As a hint to use the daily shower spray the scum dragon didn't make a dent in the male's bony head. My Beloved says shower cleaner smells bad, so he won't use it and the only time I can is when he's out of town.

I don't like his shower anyway. It's one of those 30 inch by 30 inch vertical coffins. There's no place to put the soap that it doesn't have water splashing on it, which is, of course, why the dang shower gets so scummy.

The toilet is an arm's length away, directly across from the shower. When my spouse turns off the water, he immediately explodes out of the shower like Shamu going for The Big Jump. Water splatters everywhere. If I stagger into the bathroom, mindless in the middle of the night, and sit down on a wet seat... I can't think of a way to explain how much I hate that without using profanity.

Then there's the little issue of counter space. There is none. My Engineer has to arrange his bathroom accouterments across the span of the counter top with geometric precision. His television is the general at one corner and the mousse, toothpaste and other items are the ranks of soldiers. I can only clean around them. Should I move one little soldier from its assigned place, I feel like I will face a court marshal. And dare I put anything of mine on the counter... I've made a terrible mess.

So he has the master bath and I have the hall bath.

It works.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy, love your blog. You have such a terrific sense of humor and a great ability to express it.
I do have a suggestion for the soap situation. Do you suppose your beloved would go for a body wash and a wash puff? It comes in a plastic bottle that would help with the scum problem....just a thought. (I consider my husband a manly man and he enjoys the updated version of a bar of soap.)Karen